


Bite me, not him, you asshole

by livin_la_vida_yaoi



Series: Iwaizumi/Oikawa [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bad Humor, Biting, Crack, Implied Sexual Content, Jealous Oikawa Tooru, Jealousy, M/M, not really crack but it sucks, this is a trainwreck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 14:47:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18640288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livin_la_vida_yaoi/pseuds/livin_la_vida_yaoi
Summary: Iwaizumi has sex with Kyoutani and Oikawa is jealous.





	Bite me, not him, you asshole

**Author's Note:**

> SORRY FOR THIS TRAINWRECK ITS NOT FUNNY OR GOOD TRUST ME IM MAD TOO THIS IDEA HAD POTENTIAL I THINK IM DEAD INSIDE

“You and Mad Dog-chan did what?!” Oikawa screeched once he and Iwaizumi were the only two left in the locker room after practice. The two had been changing when Oikawa happened to look over and see a nasty bite on Iwaizumi’s forearm. When he spotted some fading scratches on his friend’s upper back, he immediately questioned him about it.

Iwaizumi looked at his friend in annoyance, then back at his locker, as if he were embarrassed, “Are you deaf? I said we fucked after practice the other day,” he replied in a low voice, which confirmed to Oikawa that he was, indeed, embarrassed.

Even so, Oikawa gawked at his friend in disbelief. Him and Mad Dog has had sex? He never saw that one coming. “W-Where?” Oikawa wondered nervously, “Surely it wasn’t at one of your houses...?” To be honest, he had been into Iwaizumi for a long time now, but he was waiting for the right time to confess. Who would have thought Iwaizumi would actually hook up with someone? Oikawa was a little jealous, he couldn’t deny that he was hoping to be his friend’s first.

Iwaizumi chuckled and gave Oikawa a look that the captain suddenly hated. He smiled awkwardly and raised an eyebrow at him, which made Oikawa gasp, “You didn’t.”

The ace didn’t respond, he just turned back to tuck his gym clothes in his locker.

Oikawa, though, ripped his hands away from the lockers, “Iwa-chan, you didn’t! The locker room?!”

Iwaizumi smirked this time, “Yep. On this side, too.”

Oikawa made a disgusted face as he stepped back, shaking out his hands as if it would cleanse them, “Are you kidding me? I’m not touching that thing until I know it’s been sanitized and cleaned ten times!” He groaned, because his shirt was still in his locker and he really didn’t wanna reach for it now.

“Quit being a baby.”

“Well stop messing around on our lockers!”

“It was only once! Don’t be so dramatic.”

Oikawa groaned again, crossing his arms in exasperation, “I’m not being dramatic, you’re being gross! Hand me my shirt!”

“No,” Iwaizumi said as he pulled his own shirt over his head, closing his locker.

“Iwa-chan!”

It was Iwaizumi’s turn to groan as he turned around to face his friend, “Jesus, Oikawa! Chill out, obviously we cleaned up afterwards, so what’s the big deal?”

Oikawa pouted as he looked at Iwaizumi, then to his locker, then back at Iwaizumi, “Because... it’s gross.”

Iwaizumi glared at the captain, “Guess you’re going home with no shirt.”

“Iwa-chan, you meanie,” Oikawa said quietly. Of course he knew why he was grossed out by what Iwaizumi told him. He just didn’t want to say it out loud. Still, his friend kept looking at him expectantly.

“I know you have something to say. Just say it,” Iwaizumi places his hands in his pockets as he gazed at Oikawa. The ace’s expression was calmer now, difficult to read.

Oikawa shook his head without thinking. He was instinctively telling himself to not speak his mind. He didn’t want to because he knew it’d make things weird between them. However, the look on Iwaizumi’s face suddenly hit him. His friend must have assumed he was disgusted by something different.

“Are you grossed out because it was with a guy?” Iwaizumi began, averting his gaze from Oikawa now, looking guilty. The captain was about to disagree, but was interrupted, “Or maybe because it was with Kyoutani? I know he’s kind of a weird dude, but I don’t... I don’t see what’s so wrong with it.”

Oikawa was getting anxious now, and he wanted to change the subject, “It’s nothing, Iwa-chan. Isn’t it natural to be grossed out by people doing it near my locker?” He said quickly, a hand on his hip.

Iwaizumi looked at him like he was confused, which made sense. This conversation had turned into a mess and Oikawa didn’t really know what he was saying anymore, “Eh... erm... what was it like?” the setter found himself saying the words before he could process them.

His friend’s eyes widened in surprise at the question, “Um, what?”

Oikawa gulped and could feel his face heat up as he struggled to compose himself, “Well, Mad Dog-chan is a pretty feisty guy, so, I just wondered what he’s like. I mean, how did my best friend manage to get in his pants? You can’t just spring things like this on me and not expect me to be curious,” he said this with more confidence than he expected.

Iwaizumi frowned and turned his head, “Th-That’s embarrassing! Am I supposed to tell you about my sex life?!”

Oikawa smirked when his friend’s face reddened, he couldn’t help it when Iwaizumi was being so cute, “Of course? Or are you embarrassed because Mad Dog-chan dominated you?”

“Hell no!” Iwaizumi raged, “Fine, I’ll tell.”

Oikawa felt his heart sink a little bit, he wasn’t actually ready to hear it.

“Well, it’s kind of how you would expect. Kyoutani is... aggressive,” Iwaizumi began, “To be honest I didn’t think he’d even want to be the bottom, but to each his own, I guess,” he cleared his throat, not really wanting to go into much detail. This was fine with Oikawa.

“Say, are you a sadist?”

“What the fuck?!” Iwaizumi choked, looking at Oikawa incredulously, “Why would you think that?”

Oikawa shrugged, “I dunno. You said Mad Dog-chan was aggressive, but you seemed to enjoy it. Or maybe you’re a masochist. Maybe both? You do hit me a lot.”

Iwaizumi scowled, “I hit you for different reasons.”

The captain frowned at that comment. Somehow, hearing his love say that hurt.

The ace noticed this as he narrowed his eyes at his friend, “What...? You want me to hit you like I did Kyoutani?”

Oikawa gaped at him, “Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi laugher sheepishly, “Sorry,” He said. He reached into Oikawa’s locker to get his shirt and give it to him, “Um, we should go home.”

Oikawa nodded, his face pink as he pulled on his shirt, grabbing his bag and following Iwaizumi out the door. The walk home was spent in an awkward silence, the only thing they said was goodbye when they parted ways for the night.

— — —

Oikawa couldn’t help but cringe when he reached for his locker the next day to change for practice, but he didn’t whine because most of the team was in there this time. He didn’t miss Iwaizumi’s glances, though.

During practice was even worse. Maybe he just hadn’t noticed it before, but Mad Dog was paying a lot of attention to Iwaizumi. He knew that the third year was one of the few people he respected, but still. People don’t usually smirk and lick their lips when looking at someone they respect though, do they? Oikawa’s stomach started to hurt when they neared the end of practice. Mad Dog was right next to Iwaizumi, touching his arm far too much for Oikawa’s comfort. He looked angrier than usual, and the captain didn’t like it. He couldn’t stand it, actually. He watched as the two walked off together, not in the direction of the club room. Oikawa bit down on his lip as he followed them, hoping the rest of his team wouldn’t notice them all absent.

Oikawa edged along the wall of the outside of the gym, peeking around the corner and sucking in his breath at the sight. Iwaizumi’s hands were inside Mad Dog’s shorts, groping him in multiple areas. Seeing the roughness made Oikawa gulp, but he couldn’t pry away his eyes. One of Mad Dog’s hands was clinging onto Iwaizumi’s shirt for dear life, the other yanking on his hair so hard that it made Oikawa’s head hurt just watching.

Oikawa desperately wanted to look away, but he just couldn’t. Suddenly, Mad Dog jerked his body forward, releasing a loud moan, then Iwaizumi lurched forward to bite onto the younger’s lips. The setter gasped loudly, quickly covering his mouth and hiding behind the wall.

“Please don’t see please don’t see please don’t see,” Oikawa whispered to himself, feeling the sweat bead down his face, eyes squeezing shut.

His chest tightened when he heard that familiar voice, “Oikawa? What are you doing?”

The captain pried one eye open to see his two teammates staring at him in confusion. He gulped, turning his body to face them, face heating up as he tried to think up an excuse. Iwaizumi beat him to it.

“Were you fucking spying on us?” He accused. Mad Dog muttered something under his breath, his arms crossed, face red.

“I, um, that’s not...,” Oikawa stuttered out, his eyes wide, “Please don’t hurt me Iwa-chan!” He hoped begging might save him.

“I’m not—“

“I will,” Mad Dog interrupted, reaching forward to grab Oikawa, but Iwaizumi quickly grabbed his wrist to stop him, shooting him a glare. The younger quickly backed off.

Oikawa hoped he was off the hook, but the ace turned back to look at him as he pinched the crook of his nose, “Oikawa, I just... why would you... I mean what the actual fuck?”

The captain bit the inside of his cheek and rocked back and forth on his heels, “Um, can we talk on private?” He asked.

Iwaizumi looked at him like he was insane, but he ended up agreeing, “Sorry Kyoutani,” He said with a groan, grabbing Oikawa’s hand and walking off. The younger huffed as he headed back to the gym.

When they were alone, Iwaizumi looked hi in the eye, “Well?”

Oikawa took a deep breath, “I like you, Iwa-chan.”

“...Oh.”

“Oh?”

Iwaizumi suddenly laughed, which only made Oikawa angry, but Iwaizumi quickly responded, saying, “Kyoutani was right.”

“Um, what?” Oikawa tilted his head.

“Yeah, the dude was convinced you were into me, so he suggested we sneak away to test it. Well, he said he just wanted to see you get angry, but,” Iwaizumi shrugged as if everything he said was no big deal, “In all honesty I think he just wanted to make out again.”

Oikawa clenched his fists, “Wha... What the hell, Iwa-chan?! That’s so mean!” He whined, glaring at the ace.

“That’s what you get for being so nosy about Kyoutani and I. Mind your own business,” Iwaizumi chuckled as he ruffled Oikawa’s hair.

“So, what does this mean?” Oikawa asked, still angry, but also wondering what Iwaizumi’s response to his indirect confession would be.

“You want to have a threesome?”

“Iwa-chan! No way! Not with Mad Dog-chan! He’s scary and I don’t want him to bite me!”

Iwaizumi smirked, “Really? It’s cute though, he’s like a puppy. And I think he’d want to hook up with you, too.”

“But he totally hates me!”

“Exactly. He’d be into it.”

“Oh my god, Iwa-chan. I can’t believe this.”

“Sorry, should I take you to dinner first?”

“Yes! You should!”

“Okay, today after practice then?”

“Uh,” Oikawa frowned, “Wait are you serious?”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, “Of course. Kyoutani is cool, but I’ve been into you for like, a year?”

“What?!” Oikawa screeched.

“I... wasn’t it obvious? I’m usually not good at hiding this.”

“Just take me to dinner.”

“Sure thing. Then we’ll hook up after, right?”

“I want you to fuck me better than you did Mad Dog-chan.”

“Of course, Pervykawa.”

“I hate you!”

“I love you too.”

“Iwa-chan!!”

Turns out Iwaizumi bites even more than Kyoutani.


End file.
